Well, you did it, you got caught in marriage. Often people think it's a trap. But now that you're there, what should you expect? This week we talked about transitions that we see in marriage, things you see during the engagement, wedding, the first month, the introduction of children, and the inclusion of additional children. Understanding these transitions can be vital to the success of a marriage.
These transitions and collaborative efforts in a marriage contribute to family members being added, how rules change, and adjustment, adult life inevitably gets hard. We often forget that marriage combines two completely different lifestyles, uprisings, and ideals. The biggest marriage advice you hear is communication and compromise are the way to go about this. Which; yes are vital in the outcomes. However, a quote by President Russell M Nelson says, "Meanwhile, mortal misunderstandings can make mischief in marriage. In fact, each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort. Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concentrated effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concerted effort. That effort will succeed in each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness."
This brings us to the point of how we better go about these transitions as well as making to most of the communication and collaboration. Is it better to follow the societal norm and get married after you're 25 years or older, financially stable, and set in your ways? Or is it better to get married younger and build a life together? A recent article published by Desert News (Is it bad to marry young? Here’s what marriage research says – Deseret News) posits that very question. In the article, they explore the two options and concluded that marriage at any age can be difficult and, “With the right personal maturity and healthy relationship dynamics, these couples have every chance of success as couples who marry later in life.” Both choices have their pros and cons. It ultimately came down to what worked for the couple.
Now, with that out of the way, what can you expect? Conflict sprouts from anything some of which we discussed in class; finance (incomes, use of money, debt) studying, student debt, food preferences, schedules, sleeping habits, communication styles, and last but not least, housing (cleanliness, decor, and spatial needs) ALL WITHIN THE FIRST MONTH. But it gets better, within the first year, the main needs which were brought up were family (traditions, time spent with in-laws, and dependency upon) friends, finances, goals, and sleeping habits.
Don’t despair. When expected, communicated, and collaborated on these issues, they became strengths. Where one spouse felt weak or insufficient, the other spouse was able to complement and fill those gaps. It was the effort of working to build something together which was found to cause the greatest strengthening of the marriage relationships. This can be a lesson to us all in our relationships. When we are beginning a new life together we are bringing in two separate perspectives, experiences, and ways of working. This can be a shaking foundation if we let it, however, if we work together in a spirit of collaboration and respect that shaking foundation can turn into a mountain that will stand the test of time.
Todaloo,
Your Mom
P.S. Additional Resources about the topics discussed:
What We Wish We’d Known When We Were Newlyweds by John and Kimberly Bytheway What We Wish We'd Known When We Were Newlyweds: John Bytheway, Kimberly Bytheway: 9781629720784: Amazon.com: Books
Cheers to Eternity By Al & Ben Carraway Amazon.com: Cheers to Eternity (Audible Audio Edition): Al Carraway, Al Carraway, Ben Carraway, Ben Carraway, Cedar Fort, Inc.: Audible Books & Originals
Chapter Eight of Lauer & Lauer- Getting Married
No comments:
Post a Comment