Marriage, how do you feel hearing that word? It is one that can often incite fear in the strongest of people and whimsy in the most hardened individual. Marriage typically comes with a lot of hesitancy from all parties, especially within the last 40 years. I know I worried that I would marry someone, and they would suddenly change after that ring is on their finger. And it's not something that I could have predicted. That is something that I have seen demonstrated, not only in my own relationships but in those close to me. By the same token, however, marriage is something that I desired for my future.
It was when I stopped at a random book-giving box on the side of the road in Utah and I found a book called, "How to avoid falling in love with a jerk." Upon beginning to read the book those fears calmed in my mind. I read how patterns are repeated after three months, so it's always recommended to date someone for six months before marriage that way you can see repeated patterns. Someone doesn't suddenly change after marriage, however, when people feel like that it is because they often have ignored orange flags that should be taken as caution and with rose-colored glasses didn't see the red flag for what it truly was.
Because we often have these fears, we find hookup culture has become more prevalent in these newer generations. Especially after such a spike in divorce rates. The divorce rate has spiked, not only attributed to no-fault causation but also to divorce because of financial and communication issues. The children of these generations feel the consequences of divorce in their own families growing up and applied that to future relationships. Which resulted in widespread fear of marriage and commitment. Along with the average marriage age going up around the globe and births or children decreasing it is creating a recipe for disaster. So, taking marriage out of the equation, what desire pushes you towards wanting to spend life with another? What factors attribute to your determination to have a relationship, work through the difficulties, and find fulfillment in a relationship in a long-term relationship?
I bet one word came to mind for you, love. Love is a concept that is usually been felt by all. But, seems beyond comprehension. It is something that has often befuddled the best philosophers. It is one of the leading causes of the greatest of human achievements, can soften the hardest hearts, and bring comfort and joy to the most lost souls. Is it really just a chemical reaction in our brains or is it something so much deeper? Every human needs love in some capacity to live. You see it with babies who are in an orphanage and without touch, caring, or nurturing the baby either dies or grows up with coping mechanisms like rocking to bring forth comfort. That drive for love pushes us through the hardest of situations. It gives us purpose for what we are working for.
Just like me having a fear of marriage due to relationships past, where in your life do you see hidden fears? Beliefs have come from your experiences. How does that affect your outlook? What do you want to be going forward? I highly recommend reading this book as well as speaking with a trusted individual about your fears. Things are always worse in the dark. Logic along with emotions creates wisdom. Use both to your advantage and be willing to live your life to the fullest!
Sincerely,
Yo Mama Tree
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