Now that you are awake and paying attention after that title, how are you? Have you ever really thought about your traditions and culture? Did you ever question the reasoning behind why? Traditions are "inherited patterns of belief or behavior" and it is easy to never really question why. I have always been sort of the odd duck out in my family and friends. I don't really place importance on holidays or special occasions, don't get me wrong I love a good party and supporting the people I love but don't enjoy the pressure that is often put on those occasions. One that was recently apparent is the holidays. Even when living at home holidays were a difficult time for me and I spent a lot of time on my own or sleeping. Now as I am away at college I took a very big step and had a meeting with my parents about how I wouldn't be coming home for the holiday. They fully agreed and supported my decision, and we had a special holiday blast. However, what I never anticipated was the backlash I received from others. With most people were aghast at my decision of staying away from family during the holidays and called me selfish or stuck up in my ways. Which really got me thinking, why was I setting a healthy boundary for myself seen as offensive, and often people put themselves in a situation that they hate in the name of tradition?
This is a big conversation in the community of kids who lived a difficult childhood and are faced with spending the holidays with their abusers or spending it alone. It seems like an easy choice at first, but when faced with this choice it can feel impossible to work out where to give and where to stand firm. Traditions can be something that strengthens our relationships, grows new bonds, allows conversation, and has many more benefits. But, without proper facilitation, it can be just as devastating as it is beneficial.
Take for example New Year's. When celebrated, it can be filled with appreciation of the last year and hope for the year which is to come. It is a time when people reflect upon things they want to accomplish and set about planning how they can be different. Things get dicey, However, if you feel pressured to have it all different, or you and last year were anxious about where the new year would take you. I used to feel super depressed during the new year thinking about how far I was from where I wanted to be and the challenges that I had faced. It wasn't until I started sitting down that instead of goals, I wrote to write out what I have accomplished and the themes for the coming year. I will also write a letter to myself in the future, detailing what I feel and where I am at. Then I read the previous year's letter to myself. IIthhavebeen fun to go through the years and see what I found as a priority and how I have developed as the years moved on.
I've found that as I have employed this tactic I am closer to my theme than when I was setting goals and I had more hope about where my year could go and what I could accomplish. So that being said what things do you do just in the name of "tradition" is it something that is bettering you or causing more stress? In what ways can you shift the focus and make it better and what things better you? I think true traditions are something that adds to and strengthen our lives rather than take away and cause us to have additional stress.
With the best advice,
Your Mom,
Trionna
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